I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
