so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize