I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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