Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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