My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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