Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What drink are we having for lunch?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
