Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
