where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
