It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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