I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
