I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
