U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
