Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
how drunk are you?
Several
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
