You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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