Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
