her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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