my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
