I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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