i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
