There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
