He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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