i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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