everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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