it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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