Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
