Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
