I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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