you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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