i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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