I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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