i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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