Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
