Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
