you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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