Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
