I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
