trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
