Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
