she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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