did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
