so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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