bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
