So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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