Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
