Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
how drunk are you?
Several
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
