He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize