I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
