how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
