No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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