singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
