You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
