she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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