I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
