I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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