I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
