I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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