Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
