my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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