everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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