As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
