i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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