Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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