You made me cry and you don't even care
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
