you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
