onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
