remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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