nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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