I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
