I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize