even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I yelled at your uterus for you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
