His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
