he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
