nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
