I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
