The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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