Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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