my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
