she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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