is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
