physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
