girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
