i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
