Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
